You Hit Like a Girl

coach note

Jul 18

"You hit like a girl!"

I was sitting in the bleachers at my school enjoying a youth football game when I heard those words come from a coach directed at his running back. Apparently, the running back was not being aggressive enough, and as a way to motivate, the coach decided to use that sentence.

It wasn't the first time I had heard that sentence. I remember the first time I put on a helmet and was asked to tackle my teammate in a drill. I lined up, barely able to see out of my helmet because it had come down to cover most of my eyes when I heard the whistle blow.

The ball carrier ran toward me and I was terrified. I closed my eyes, opened my arms, and braced for impact. The wind was knocked out of me, and I started to cry.

“Get up, Leath,” the coach says.

I could barely breathe. My teammate helped me up, and the coach walked over to me.

I finally catch my breath, only to receive the next devastating blow, one that will hurt me much longer than the previous one.

“You hit like a girl, and now you are crying like one,” he says.

I can’t see through my tears, and I try with everything in me to catch my breath.

"Go to the end of the line, and come back when you decide to man up!”

I was nine years old.

It was years before I realized how damaging that can be to a young boy. When a coach tells a young boy in front of his friends he is playing like a girl, that has the power to destroy him.

And more importantly, what does teach him about girls? It took me a long time to answer that question for myself. In that moment, I was taught that girls are physically weak; that crying is an emotion that displays weakness and is therefore reserved for girls and that behavior won’t be tolerated.

Children get the foundation of their identity, beliefs, and values from the people they meet on their journey through childhood. Parents get the first shot at passing on their knowledge and experience to their kids, but as they get older, teachers, religious leaders, and coaches gain credibility in the eyes of the student and an identity is formed that will later define who that young person becomes.

So when a few years ago, former NFL quarterback Cam Newton expressed how it is "funny" that a woman can understand routes in football, he takes all the fallout (and he should have consequences for such an ignorant statement). But we forget that apparently, the many men in his life were either silent on negative gender-specific stereotypes or a more likely scenario is that those men encouraged male-dominant behavior. Yes, he apologized, but how unfortunate that he even said it in the first place.

A great coach will take Newton’s terrible choice of words and use it as a teachable moment for young boys to learn that young girls grow up into strong women and that the world needs both strong men and strong women working together.

As a 43-year-old who played every sport I could for the first half of my life, I still hear the echoes of my coaches 20 years later (the good and the bad):

"You are not a quitter, Leath. Keep going."
"Hey, dodohead, get your head out of the sand and help your teammates."
"Leath, when are you going to stop doubting yourself?"

...and many, many more.

Sometimes the words stung; other times, they pushed me to be more than I thought I could be. Some were encouraging; others were salted with profanity.

I remember it all, and in many ways, those words have shaped me into who I am today.

The late Billy Graham once said, “A coach will impact more people in one year than the average person will in an entire lifetime.”

Just a reminder that the student-athletes are always watching. Your words will echo in their minds for the rest of their lives.

Your echoes can be a blessing or a curse. You decide.