Yes, I do play my favorites

Occasionally, I've been accused of favoritism in my coaching. To be completely transparent:

Yes, I do play my favorites.

As a youth sports coach, I believe it is important that all kids on the team get a chance to play during the actual competition. This isn't the NBA, and I don't need to rely on my top players to maintain my position. Coaching youth sports allows me to prioritize player development without fearing losing my job. Most young athletes play sports for fun, socializing with friends, or because they like their coach rather than solely focusing on winning.

I once had a win-less season coaching a 5th-grade football team, but every player wanted to return the following year. To me, that's a success. We ensured that each player had a chance to play before halftime. Despite losing, the team remained enthusiastic and committed. During our end-of-year party, every athlete expressed that they wanted to play again the following year. Years later, when I met one of my players, our conversation wasn't about losing; instead, he remembered how fun it was and how I let them play tag at the end of practice. He was one of my favorites, and we lost every single game.

At the beginning of each season, I hold a parent meeting where I outline my goals: character development, skill development, encouraging risk-taking, and plenty of high-fives. Winning isn't on the list. When you keep things simple and focus on improvement, winning comes naturally. Remember, the scoreboard in youth sports is primarily for parents and coaches, not athletes.

So yes, I do play my favorites.

Here are the six attributes I seek in an athlete for the starting lineup:

Punctual: If a kid is late to youth practice, it’s the parent’s fault. Being a parent is tough, and getting all their kids to practice on time is not always possible. I’ll never punish a kid for being late to youth practice as long as when they come in, they jump right into the drills and get to work. However, if a high school kid is late to practice, it’s the athlete’s fault, and that athlete is running.

Committed: I appreciate it when an athlete tries to juggle two sports, but it is usually unnecessary. When a player shows up to practice, I expect them to be ready to practice, not exhausted because they just got done with travel ball practice. When you commit to a team for a season, see it through. I do not believe a young athlete should specialize, a subject I have written about before here and here. 

Adaptable: The game is on Saturday, and I get a call Friday night that a kid got in trouble at school, and they won’t be at the game the next day. Now I need someone to play a position they may have never played before. Being adaptable is an indispensable attribute for an athlete. 

Aggressive: As a coach, I do whatever I can to keep game assignments simple. I tell an athlete, “This is your position, and these are your two options. Pick one and go all out. If you pick the wrong one, it’s okay, just as long as you go all out!”

Growth Mindset: In a TedTalk by Psychologist Carol Deck, she talks about how what someone believes about their ability to learn actually affects their ability to learn! She contrasts a growth mindset with a “fixed mindset” and proves that anyone can learn something new if only they believe they can and then work smart about it.

Confident: Confidence is something that builds over time. If my team is in week three of basketball practice and my athlete is still afraid to shoot the ball, we must fix it. It’s okay, it’s youth sports, and it will take time to build confidence. However, if the athlete is afraid to shoot the ball because her parents will be disappointed that she missed it, then I have a problem with the parent, which is another issue. Don’t mind me, I’ll be on the sideline ecstatic that she shot the ball regardless of the result. Do you know what that does? It shows her it’s okay to shoot, and she will most likely shoot again. She is bound to make it eventually.

As a youth sports coach, my primary objective is to foster a positive, growth-oriented environment where young athletes can develop their skills, confidence, and character. Favoritism isn't about prioritizing winning; it's about recognizing and nurturing the qualities that lead to personal growth and success on and off the field. By modeling these attributes ourselves and encouraging our children to adopt them, we can cultivate well-rounded, resilient athletes who enjoy their sports experience and carry these valuable life lessons with them into adulthood. Let's focus on what truly matters in youth sports and celebrate the progress and joy it brings to our young athletes.