Five Communication Tips for Coaches
In the movie Avatar (2009), the Na'vi species of Pandora express their affection for each other not by saying, "I love you," but by saying, “I see you.”This is an excellent lesson for coaches. Children thrive on being noticed. "Do you see me?" and "Watch me do this" is child-speak for "I want to show you I'm worthy of your affection."
I have coached against youth teams that were physically and strategically better than my team. Still, when the game was over, we were victorious simply because of the ability to communicate clearly during a competition. On one occasion, I remember showing up to a youth football game with my team and hearing the opposing coach yell at his players during warm-ups. I could see the nervousness of those players, and so could my players. They were a stronger team, but my kids were relaxed and confident. By halftime, we were up 28-0.
1. Take off your glasses.
I worked at an elementary school as a yard duty teacher during college. There was an autistic student who was notorious for being a troublemaker on the playground. He once told me I was the only teacher he would listen to. When I asked him why, he pointed at the hand on my side holding my sunglasses. He said, “Because when you talk to me to take your sunglasses off so I can see your eyes - you’re the only teacher who can see me.”
2. Take note of the sun.
After a long practice in the heat, my team took a knee but wouldn’t look at me. I began to get agitated and raised my voice. One of my athletes stood up and said, “Coach, I want to look at you, but right next to your head is the sun, and we are staring directly into it.” Whoops, that’s my bad. Bonus: try to have a wall behind you so there is less activity to distract them. If you are talking to a group of young men and behind you is a group of young women, your team is not listening to you. Set your team up for success, not failure.
3. Take a knee.
Children look up to their parents and teachers all day long. Taking a knee or bending over to get on their level will allow them to connect better with you. Most likely, you will be the only adult all day who met eye-to-eye with them, and kids remember that stuff because it is human nature to remember how a person made you feel over remembering what a person said.
4. Take a breath.
Kids are not mini-adults. I repeat: kids are NOT mini-adults. They don’t have the years of experience you have learning about emotions and how to control them appropriately. It is your job and the job of other adults who influence them to teach them the strategies they need to deal with these new emotions and how to act. You are there to teach them. Remember: Your behavior is louder than your words.
5. Take two minutes or less.
How many times did your focus waiver when reading this article? Keep that in mind the next time you get mad at your athlete for not paying attention. We live in a world full of distractions, and focus takes energy and lots of practice. Coach Wooden rarely spoke to a player for more than 30 seconds and, more typically, for only five to seven seconds. His strategy was to teach, show, then have them do it, not give a 5-minute lecture on the history of that drill.
Effective communication and genuine connection are vital to the success of any coach-athlete relationship. By taking off your glasses, being mindful of your surroundings, getting on their level, remaining patient, and keeping your messages concise, you can foster an environment where young athletes feel seen, heard, and valued. As a coach, you have the opportunity to create lasting memories and impact the lives of your players, both on and off the field. Embrace the responsibility and remember that the lessons you teach and how you make them feel will stay with them long after the game ends. Take a moment to truly see your athletes and empower them to reach their full potential.
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