To Scold or Mold

"A coach is merely the extension of a child's dream."

Former South African Rugby National Coach Peter DeVilliers leans in, piercing me with his eyes while the echo of his words bounces around in my head.

He continues, "At the end of your life, you will be called into account for all the kids who were put under your supervision." 

Coach DeVilliers raises both hands up high in a victory pose. "These kids are gold! They are precious minerals that can be shaped and formed, and it is your duty to play your part!"

Oftentimes, we can hear a good nugget of inspiration, but it fades away with all the distractions in our lives. So before you go, I want to share a quick story that puts Coach DeVilliers into context. 

[The scene: a 6th-grade tackle football game.]

"FUMBLE!"

The ball bounces twice, then is secured by the same running back who dropped the ball. 

A timeout is called by the other team. 

Assuming he is being pulled, my player runs to the sideline to make room for his replacement. 

I meet him before he crosses the out-of-bounds line and stop him. 

"What are you doing?" I asked.

 He stutters, "I, I uh…"

 "What happened?"

 "Sorry, coach. I had my hands wrong."

 "Yes, that is right. How should they have been?"

He shows me the correct way to receive a handoff.

Good, that's good. You got lucky out there. Get back in there and show me you can do it correctly. You are getting the ball again." 

"Yessir!"

At that moment on the sideline, I could have yelled out of frustration and anger, or I could have embarrassed my player because a fumble could be seen as a threat to my ability to teach. But what good would either of those options have accomplished? Getting mad would have been futile! We were in the middle of a game played by kids who make mistakes (just like adults do!).

You ever wonder why we, as coaches get so angry at the kids when they make a mistake? We get so caught up in what those around us will say to us and about us if we do not win the game or win by a certain margin. We sacrifice the positive experience and life lessons sports provides in exchange for "W" in the win column that no one will care about a few months from now. 

Like Coach DeVilliers said, "you will be called into account for all the kids who were put under your supervision."

I challenge you: take a pause the next time you get upset about something during practice or a game. Rarely does yelling have a more profound impact than some carefully chosen words spoken in a calm voice. 

And consider keeping them in the game after a mistake. Give the athlete a chance to make up for what they did wrong. Regardless of the score, the small victory of making up for a previous error can teach the lesson of perseverance that will have a much longer effect than the scoreboard.  

...and that student whom I left in the game ended up scoring a 39-yard touchdown the very next play.