Question: How can I get my 14-year-old to not be so critical?
Coach, when my 14-year-old son comes home from practice and the only one criticizing him is himself, it is frustrating. As a goalie, he is pretty vocal on the field, except for when he makes mistakes. The angrier he gets at himself, the worse he plays. Is there a technique to somehow curb that anger and frustration so it doesn't mess him up, or does that start to become a maturity thing?
Conversation with Coach
Remember, we are in the business of creating adults. In the past week, I have not seen a cone, replaced a cleat, or heard a whistle, but I have had hard conversations with other adults. I can do that in part because the youth coaches I had were my models for communication and I was lucky to have some really great examples.
How to Connect to Athletes
As an older coach, how do you stay relevant to the younger generations? I get this question often. Pop culture is constantly evolving and it can be hard to stay knowledgeable about what is going on. A few years ago I took about 30 minutes to figure out what Pokemon go was all about. When I dropped it in a lesson during class, it was instant street cred!
Non-Verbal Communication and Recruiters
Character matters. It shows in the little moments that don’t take much effort but have major effects. Find ways to celebrate a player who displays wonderful traits like empathy; but more importantly, be a model of empathy to your players.
Taking My Shot
In defeat, there can be success. Be the coach that empowers others to make the attempt, regardless of the scoreboard.
The Double Defeat
When the scoreboard says defeat, and you have given yourself completely to the experience, you can hang your head high knowing you gave your all.
But if you held back, and you lost, you lost TWICE: A double defeat.
That will for sure keep you up late at night sobbing about your "what if" story.
Attention to Detail
Coach, challenge your athletes to set the standard for the team. They will not adhere to seemingly arbitrary rules handed down on a piece of paper or written on a wall. You didn't when you were an athlete and neither will they. However, if you can get them to feel how the expectation will help them, you will see improved compliance.
What to say on the first day of practice
You know first impressions matter. You want them to respect you. You want them to trust you. You want them to want to come to practice and give everything they have.
Doubt creeps in, bringing along questions you know are ridiculous, but you entertain them anyway.
Take Control of Your Destiny
This is a speech I gave to a championship football team three months before they were champions. It was a room full of young men, but the speech could easily be for either gender.
Your future is being created right now, in this instant. Take ownership of what you can control and be the reason for your success, leaning not on the talent of others, but by the character of your best self.”
The Greatest Teacher, Failure is.
Rarely will a great idea interrupt us. Silence your doubts and your ego, then what to do next to reach your goal will be obvious.
Opportunity is NOWHERE
My friend Ed came to town visit and talk teaching leadership to athletic teams. After a few hours of great conversation, he sat back and said, "Alright, we have talked about a lot of stuff. But if you If you could only say one thing to a group of athletes, what would you say?"
To Scold or to Mold…
Former South African Rugby National Coach Peter DeVilliers leans in, piercing me with his eyes while the echo of his words bounces around in my head.
A coach is merely the extension of a child’s dream.
The Number One Gift You Can Give...
Your kids don't need more presents, they need more presence.
The Whisper of Inspiration
“LEATH! LEATH!” I hear my replacement yelling my name. I jog to the sidelines and report to my position coach. He is furious. At 5’9, my defensive back coach played college football at the same position I was just relieved of. I prepare myself for a wicked tongue lashing, but I get nothing.
Kids are not mini-adults
Every season, no matter the level of the sport, a different team shows up. Though the athlete could be coming from the same school as the year before, every season has its own culture and feeling. 6th graders are now 7th graders, juniors are now seniors, so on and so forth. A lot changes in a young athlete’s life between seasons, and as coaches we should not assume fundamentals are as sharp as they were the year before, or that the athletes are coming with prior knowledge.
Empowering Children to Find Courage
This story highlights the importance of coaches in developing athletes' physical skills, confidence, and self-esteem. Coaches can make a lasting impact on their athletes' lives beyond the game, and it is essential to encourage and show athletes that they are loved and valued both on and off the court.
A Coach's Voice
As parents and coaches, we are in the business of creating adults, so the more we can work together, the better off our future adults will be.
Yelling vs Coaching
Teach your young athletes to know the difference between yelling to hurt and yelling to help and keep your own emotions in check. Use yelling as a tool and use it sparingly so when you need to get their attention on something important, it doesn’t sound like everything else you yelled to them.
Confidence beats Complexity
The focus of the coach should be on creating confident, fundamentally sound athletes during the week. Then, on gameday, let them play. Give the athletes the tools they need and let them build a victory. When the game starts, it is less about coaching anyway and more about managing. If your young athletes can master the basics and they truly understand their job on each play, then you are way ahead of most youth football coaches I come across who focus more on tricking the other coach than on developing sound football players.